So I think there is a problem in being ‘too nice’, for me anyhow. I didn’t think I was ‘too nice’. I’m a feminist. I’m over 50. I’ve been married twice. I’m from Northern Farming Stock. Not known for unneccessary ‘niceness’. But lately, I have done a couple of things to be nice, that have backfired. The woman in the bank, at the same time as I was changing my name over and having to produce the multitude of documents that went with it, semi-persuaded me that I no longer needed my free overdraft. I agreed. I had been stood in the bank quite a while. She was sat down while I stood through the entire encounter. Not the best customer service….I just agreed. It was easy. It was nice. Then later, I had forgotten about a cheque, and then got slammed with an overdrawn charge, and another cheque was refused, so I got an invoice….yada yada. They cancelled the charge, but it was my own fault really. The free overdraft, that I already had would have solved the problem at source! And then another bank one this week. Would I like them to ring me about updating my will? Well, no not really. They were will-writers, not solicitors, and I would rather the solicitor did it. She pushed on, we’ll just give you a ring then shall we? I think I was a bit baffled…hadn’t I just said “No”? So baffled was I that I agreed to let them ring on my mobile…I rarely answer unknown numbers on it…I actually have two mobiles, so this was my Spam Mobile. But it was pointless. I should just have put my foot down with a firm hand! It’s odd, when you think people are being nice, so you are nice back, and it turns out be about commission and targets.
It made me think though, about how being too nice doesn’t help a dysfunctional marriage. I somehow thought that by not objecting to what he wanted, and in many cases agreeing to family resources being diverted in that way, it would keep him happy. There was the caravan, the two motorbikes, the 4 by 4 car. Mainly going where he wanted, trailing round classic car shows and Steam Railways…. None of it made him happy because on some level he was determined not to be.
So I was Too Nice. I don’t have to be like that anymore. I don’t care if people associate femininity with being nice. I don’t intend to stop being a decent human being, just stop being a doormat.